Relationship Astrology - Ascendant Square Ascendant Synastry

Relationship Astrology – Ascendant Square Ascendant Synastry

There are many relationship astrology and synastry aspects that can pose a challenge to the success of our relationships. All across the internet you can find lists of synastry aspects to run from, and nearly every day a client comes to me prepared with all the doom and gloom information about their relationship that they picked up in their online research.

I’m here to tell you, my friends, having conscious awareness of these challenging aspects and truly understanding what is happening energetically is the BEST way to navigate them successfully. You can even take the charge out of them and turn them into a positive.

Ascendant square ascendant…. Let’s talk about it!

First, let me say that you NEVER want a relationship with no challenging aspects. That would be so boring and you would both lose interest in each other rather quickly. We need that spice, that challenge, that potency in order to want it in the first place.

Also, know that some synastry aspects take TIME in order to reveal themselves in the relationship. What I mean is, if your relationship is new, you may not encounter the more difficult aspects until you’ve got some months (at least) under your belt. The infatuation stage often needs to take a back seat for this stage to emerge, although if you have heavy Neptune synastry, this may take longer. I feel that by a year and a half to two years, most if not all the interpersonal challenges have generally made themselves known.

If you go to a bustling party with loud music and drinks flowing and look around the room, you will see the ascendants of everyone in attendance in action. The Leo and Libra ascendants are right at home in this scene with their charm and social magnetism. The Cancer and Scorpio ascendants are likely talking with each other in a more quiet area of the gathering. There are higher and lower expressions of every sign, so the more a person has self-acceptance and awareness of their social style, the more at ease they will be even if they have a more introverted sign on their ascendant. There is room for everyone, and this is part of the spiritual lesson of this ascendant square in synastry.

The ascendant isn’t only about our social selves, however. It holds the energy with which we FIRST put forth in life situations. It’s often our initial reaction to something new or unfamiliar.

The ascendant square in synastry is a pretty loud energy, honestly, and will likely be felt or seen in a very clear way pretty early on as far as the previous paragraph goes. It can create an environment where you and your partner ANNOY each other with your very different and conflicting reactions to the world around you. This annoyance can bring out the lower polarities of each of the partner’s ascendants. You each, no doubt, feel your way is the right way or the best way and the danger here is the tendency to disregard or invalidate each other when the ascendant square is activated by life.

Now, what I’m referring to here is a square by degree, and the tighter the square by degree, the more extreme this will be felt in the relationship. That being said, this will be felt even if your ascendants are square by sign.

When our ascendant expression is healthy we feel most at ease in our skin. When our ascendant is square someone else’s ascendant, even that easy and healthy expression can feel like our fur is being stroked backwards. Ever have a cat attack you for this?

John has a Virgo ascendant. He’s had a crap day at work, was pulled in a million directions at the same time (a Virgo nightmare). On his long commute home his mind repeated every little annoyance over and over and accentuated his stress. He’s convinced himself there’s nothing he or anyone can do about the situation. He’s just stuck in this hell with no apparent escape.

John’s partner, Adam, has a Sagittarius ascendant and is excitedly waiting at the door for John’s arrival home. The dogs and/or kids are running around with wild appreciation now that the family is together for the evening.

The whole scene is completely overwhelming for John who has amplified his own stress for the last hour, of which Adam is aware. The energy and needs of his family feel like one more request to John. Adam in turn feels rejected by John’s coolness and emotional distance.

Once alone, John unloads. He shares every little detail about his day, accentuating the negative aspects and pointing out what everyone involved did wrong or could’ve done better. Adam, with his ascendant in direct, faith-driven, positively-oriented Sagittarius, doesn’t understand why John is being so negative and finds it utterly annoying. It feels agitating. Like… why doesn’t John accentuate the positive?! I mean, the money is good, there are opportunities for advancement, and John’s the boss! He can just fix whatever is going wrong through direct leadership!

Here they find themselves in the juxtaposition of ascendant square ascendant  in synastry. Both are responding true to their ascendants with varying positions on the spectrum of higher and lower expression. In this moment they may both be thinking of all the ways they are so different and how this relationship is probably doomed to fail. They may be judging each other. John thinks Adam is too reckless, messy, trusting, and loud. Adam thinks John has a rigid, negative, outlook and needlessly self-sacrifices at the expense of the entire family. John sleeps in pants. Adam walks through the house naked.

With relationships as our classroom, this couple has the opportunity to accept ways of being that are quite foreign. It is utterly important that they validate the point of view of the other. Even better, if they know astrology, they can see it playing out as it happens which REALLY HELPS. Conscious awareness is the medicine for everything that challenges us in synastry.

Adam has learned to simply listen when John has had a rough day. He also tries to keep the kids and dogs from ambushing him at the door. John has learned to delight in Adam’s free spirited nature and laughs uncontrollable when he walks through the house pantsless. Conscious awareness breeds acceptance.

A side note here. Harmonizing the ascendant square can be much easier if there are overlapping energies. What I mean is, if John happened to have his Sun or Moon in Sagittarius or Adam had his Sun or Moon in Virgo, for example, understanding can coexist much easier with the conflicting social, reactionary natures of this couple. Even with no overlapping zodiacal energies, this challenging aspect can be navigated with love and respect with knowledge and maturity on board.

If an individual (sometimes only one of the partners can get there) is able to really get this, it can transform the way we see everyone. Imagine a world where we are able to see different ways of being as equally valid EVEN IF WE DON’T UNDERSTAND. Truly understanding isn’t really necessary if we can accept, validate, and respect one another. This is how our relationships can be a vehicle to change our entire worldview. Absolute magic.

Which signs are square to each other?

Aries: Cancer, Capricorn
Taurus: Leo, Aquarius
Gemini: Virgo, Pisces
Cancer: Libra, Aries
Leo: Scorpio, Taurus
Virgo: Sagittarius, Gemini
Libra: Capricorn, Cancer
Scorpio: Aquarius, Leo 
Sagittarius: Pisces, Virgo
Capricorn: Aries, Libra
Aquarius: Taurus, Scorpio
Pisces: Gemini, Sagittarius

Other synastry and relationship astrology articles:

Ascendant Conjunct Descendant

Sun Conjunct North Node

Vertex Conjunct Anti-Vertex/Vertex Conjunct Vertex

Sun Conjunct Pluto

Asteroid Goddess Juno

Y'all Fighting?

Some Truth About Twin Flames

For relationship astrology and synastry readings go here.